Friday, January 15, 2016

We All Make Mistakes and The Elephant In The Room.

ZoePhee

You guys may have noticed that I didn't participate in the blogger challenge. This year it just didn't feel right to me. I've been feeling down more than I'd really like to admit and I wasn't sure I had much advice to offer.

I'm happy that you guys are all here with me on this journey. 2015 was a pretty good year for the blog, even if I personally didn't have the best year (more on that in a bit). I feel like I have the best followers anyone could have. You guys are always so kind to me. The blogging community has been a second family to me and it's been wonderful. I've hardly ever received a bad comment and I've never received a nasty email. I really appreciate it. We also acquired some amazing sponsors which was also awesome and very fun. The dogs love trying new stuff and I'm always excited to share things with everyone.

That being said, we all make mistakes and I wanted to say that if anyone felt like I was trying to say I was perfect or my dogs were perfect or if you felt that my post about "It's Not About Being Alpha" was condescending, then I'm sorry. That was not my intention and we are far from perfect. I've screwed up a lot and my dogs are definitely not perfect. They are great house dogs for the most part but they both have their quirks. The point of the post was that the training I do isn't because I think I need to be alpha, it's just about keeping everyone safe. I never meant to put anyone down if they've had an accident with their dogs. Dogs are dogs and sometimes they do really dumb things. People are forgetful sometimes. Family members who are not dog savvy visit. Stuff happens. If I can help you manage your dogs better and show you what I do to keep mine from getting into stuff then that's what I want to try to do but I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad.


One of the things that's always bothered me about the online world is that some people have "personas" that they put out there. They have a whole fake online world and when you meet them or get to know them better and you are totally blown away by how different they are from what you thought. I don't ever want anyone to think that about me. I want this blog to be as real as possible. When you come here you know that I'm not screwing with you and this is life, real life. That is why I never write about things that I don't have first hand experience with. So for the blogger challenge my one huge piece of advice is to just be real with people, be yourself and write about whatever you love.

So this is me being real. I'm a crossover trainer and I used to rely on punishment. For a very long time, my first instinct was to immediately punish anything an animal did that I didn't like. It didn't matter if that animal had the tools to know what they should be doing or should not be doing. It was just do whatever to make that animal stop doing whatever "bad" behavior they were displaying. I've learned a lot since those days and I think I've come along way. I still have more to learn, though and I never plan on stopping. I regularly read books and watch seminars on training and behavior. One of the major differences between back then and now is that I really care about giving my dogs the tools they need to know what they are supposed to be doing, which was what I was trying to convey in my other post. I'm human and sometimes I still make mistakes, especially when I don't feel well.

When my dogs pull on the leash, it hurts me and my first instinct is to jerk the leash. When I'm have a Ménière's attack and the world is spinning around, normal every day activities are very hard to accomplish. Between the balance issues, the nausea and pain in my ears things can get bad really fast. I have to actively make sure that I don't jerk leashes or use any other sort of aversive. I'm working really hard to remain patient, even when I don't feel well. I'm not perfect at all but I keep trying to get better. I work with my dogs and I work on myself. I try to make training as fun as possible for my dogs. Things aren't always rainbows and butterflies but we make it work. I love troubleshooting behavior and trying new things. I'm always thinking about what I can do to make something better or what I wish I had done differently and what I'm going to do differently next time. Nobody is perfect and I hope you never think I'm trying to say that I am because I'm really not.

Now let's talk about the major elephant in the room. It's the only thing that I have not shared with you. It wasn't meant to be a secret or anything and I always planned on writing about it. I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. It's the one thing that I've had the hardest time with last year and it's the one thing that keeps me up at night. Let's talk about my cat, Hurley.

This is my absolutely favorite photo of Hurley.

I got a ton of comments on Pandora's "Gotcha Day" post about how no one ever knew I had any cats. I used to write about them more regularly. In fact, I was thinking about starting a second blog just for the cats. In March of last year, I removed all of  the cat profiles from the blog when we made the agonizing decision to rehome Hurley. Let me tell you how much rehoming him absolutely sucked. The day he left, I could not stop crying and I have cried pretty much the whole year on and off. I feel like I completely failed him. I hate that we had to rehome him and still to this day, I'm having a really hard time with it. When I adopted Hurley, I had every intention of keeping him for the rest of his life and it makes me so sad that we couldn't do it. Every time I see one of those "I'm a Forever Pet" memes on facebook, I cry some more.

We have always had problems with Hurley. He is a big boy of around 15lbs and we noticed right away that he had issues when we first got him. We figured everything would get worked out eventually. He just needed more time to settle in. We waited several years for him to settle in and "calm down". Things progressively went downhill with him. He would randomly attack my other cats and he started attacking the dogs. The attacks became more frequent as time went on. I tried to work with him, I even trained him to do some tricks. I own all the cat behavior books by Pam Johnson-Bennett and several other authors. I read them religiously and implemented a lot of Pam's ideas and strategies for dealing with a problem cat. I could probably do Jackson Galaxy's job with everything I learned about cats in the time of having them. Things never got better and when I tell you we tried everything, I mean it. We even had him on RX anti-depressants to help with his stress and anxiety.

Hurley was putting holes into Pandora. He was twice her weight and he would hold her down and bite her. At one point right before we ended up rehoming him, he ripped out a lot of the fur on her belly and she also had abscesses from him getting a hold of her. Like I mentioned above, he also went after Lilly and the dogs, to the point where the dogs were too scared to walk past him. Zoe started lashing out at him because he would just walk right up to her and bite her, even when she was sleeping. We were never sure why he would do this and it was always out of the blue. One minute he was okay and the next someone was screaming. He was always fine with people, though.

You start to look at things a lot differently when one of your pets is putting holes in your other pets. When the stress level is so high and all of your furkids are on edge. I was on edge. I never knew when he was going to attack someone. I never wanted any of this to happen and I definitely did not want to rehome my cat. It was also effecting my marriage.


I always said that I would never live the crate and rotate lifestyle. It's just not something I ever wanted to have to deal with. I was so careful when I selected Phoenix because I wanted to make sure I would never have to segregate anyone. "That lifestyle is just not for me", I would tell anyone and everyone who asked. That's a pretty laughable thing, since we were pretty much doing that with our cats. Things got harder when we moved into the one bedroom apartment. It became more and more difficult to keep everyone out of each others space and keep the peace. After their last altercation, another abscess for Pandora, the decision was made for me. We just could not deal with it anymore.

I truly believe that Hurley was not a happy boy with us. The happiest I've ever seen him was when we lived with my inlaw's and he had the whole downstairs section of the house to himself. I knew after seeing him like that he would be happier being the only pet. I really wish it could of gone differently and I am so incredibly sad that we had to find him a new home. I think we did the best thing for him and our other pets, even though it was hard. I miss him every day and he was very loved. I'm thankful he was in my life for the time he was. I learned so much from him.

Lilly and Pandora

The stress level in our house has gotten a lot better than it was. The other two cats have completely calmed down. It was actually amazing to see how quiet the house was and how chill everyone has become. Lilly does have behavioral issues, too. She bites us and I plan to talk more about what I'm doing about it. I'm going to work on including Pandora and Lilly more in the blog. They are a big part of our adventures, even though the main theme is revolving around my dogs.

So that's about it and as real as it gets. We all make mistakes and we all screw up. Things are not always perfect. I haven't had an easy past year (not only with Hurley but some other family drama, too), I'm really hopeful this year will be better.

If there's anything you'd like to see more of from me on the blog let me know! I'm hoping to get better with filming videos and I would really like to make some training tutorials. I hope everyone has a great weekend and thanks for sticking with us!



52 comments:

  1. Thanks for opening up like this Lauren. As you know, I loved your "It's Not About Being The Alpha" post and did not find it at all condescending. I think we all know that no matter how many tips we share, it's certainly not because we are perfect!

    I feel kind of left out of the pet blogging community every year during the pet blogger challenge but I simply do not want to blog about blogging. And my non-pet blogger audience does not want me to blog about blogging. Maybe someday I will have a separate niche blog about blogging but until then I will stick to posts about pets and travel even if it makes me feel left out of the pet blogging community once a year.

    Regarding Hurley, I know exactly how you feel. I also once rehomed a pet. It was a more difficult decision than euthanasia. But like you, it had become so another pet in my home was in danger. I still cry about it. I always thought people who gave pets up were the worst, scum of the Earth. Then I remember how every day I spend with my rescued pets I thank the person who gave them up for sending them to me. When it isn't right, it isn't right. And when it is, it is. This is so tough and I am so sorry. I commend you for trying so hard and for sharing your story here. Maybe someday I will be able to share mine... but I still don't feel like I did all I could to make it work. I know my heart will really never heal from that failure. As I said, I know how you feel. I wish I could be of more comfort.

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    1. I don't really enjoy blogging about blogging either, Bethany, although I love reading everyone else's posts!

      I have never had to re-home a pet; however, pet-pet aggression/fighting is probably one of the only circumstances under which I'd consider it. No one is happy in that situation! My previous dogs had several bad, ER-vet requiring fights, and I feel like it traumatized me for life. I was very cautious about having two dogs again, and dog fights are one of my biggest fears.

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    2. Oh, yeah, I always read everyone else's Pet Blogger Challenge Posts!

      The huskies I grew up with had some vet-visit fights, and, yes, that probably traumatized me more than I had considered. Thank you for reminding me of that. Perhaps it comes down to that I did everything I could within my limitations to help the aggressive situation. Someone without my fears may have handled it differently. But I am me, good or bad, traumatized and enlightened, and I do my best with what I've got. We all do.

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    3. Thanks so much, Bethany! You have a great point about how readers don't want to read about blogging!

      I think we all just do the best we can. Sometimes things just don't work out but I still feel bad about it.

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  2. Dear Lauren,
    Reading this made me feel a little sad for you. You clearly do everything you can for all your pack. I think there are times when all the best plans in life don't work out. You clearly did what was best for Hurley. You spent a lot of time trying to make the house safe for everyone, when it didn't work, you didn't abandon him, you found him a loving home where he could be happy. That is more than most people would do. I can only imagine how hard that is. I am a behaviour analyst so have been trained about reinforcement 99% of the time (in my job their are occasionally very serious and dangerous behaviours that reinforcement alone doesn't help so a punishment procedure must be used). However, sometimes my first reaction is punishment. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have messed up with my dogs. One of my mess ups, cost Gemini her life. I try really hard not to beat myself up about it and just go forward. Sending you a hug and please know that Iove your blog, I love your training ideas etc. etc.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I've messed up with the punishment, too and I always feel guilty after. I think some days we just have to do the best we can.

      I am so sorry about Gemini. ~hugs~

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  3. No one is perfect, and even humans have kids they have to send away because they simply can't be controlled. Stuff happens and it is not your fault. Since you say you live in a pretty small place, that may be part of what caused him to lash out. Mom had one dog and three cats and had to move to a one bedroom apt. in between moves for two months years ago. The pets all got along fine, but after only a couple weeks in the small place, the cats all started fighting, a lot. Once she moved into a bigger place again, everyone was fine. I think many cats really need their space which makes them get angry and lash out when they are forced to live close to other pets 24/7. You did the right thing.

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    1. Good point, Emma! I definitely agree with you that he probably just could not handle the smaller territory. Cats are very territorial. We've always had issues with him, no matter what house or apartment we were at but the problems definitely increased when the space decreased. I just think he really needed to be an only pet. Kitties are complicated creatures. Dogs are so much easier! Thank you for being so kind to me.

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  4. Thank you for being so open and honest about your struggles! I have never once thought you were condescending or perfect. I have however thought you were an amazing trainer! There are quite a few of you in the blogging world and I have learned a lot because of bloggers like yourself.

    Hurley is probably much happier now in his new home and clearly your own household is calmer. That isn't a failure. You went above and beyond to improve the situation. You did the hard thing for you to make him and your own crew happier. As painful as it was, I think it was the smartest choice. Hugs from me, licks from Blueberry.

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    1. Thank you so much! I try so hard to not be preachy or condescending. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that it was not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings.

      I'm sure Hurley is much happier now. I don't think he ever wanted to share his space. I miss him, though.

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  5. Oh girl, my heart is breaking for you! First, let me say that no matter what it feels like, you did NOT fail Hurley. You made one of the absolute most difficult choices a pet owner can make all to make sure that he's living a happy, healthy life and to protect your other pets. I can't imagine going through that. I know how hard you work with your dogs to do the best by them, so I am sure you did everything you could to try to make life under your roof work for him. Thank you for talking about this! I think there's such a stigma attached to rehoming pets and that makes me feel obligated to keeping pets in unhealthy situations. When I adopted Barley, one of the questions on the form was "why would you return this pet to the shelter?" and I had to write "If she showed any aggression toward my cat." I'd already made a commitment to Soth and keeping him happy and healthy for the rest of his life, so if Barley couldn't fit into that, she couldn't stay. If you've never read Jon Katz's books, I highly recommend A Dog Year and A Good Dog--the first one is all about the challenges, successes, and mistakes Katz makes with his newly acquired reactive border collie and the second is about rehoming a new BC and the difficult decision Katz has to make when his reactive dog becomes aggressive towards other people (I'm not sure that I agree with the choice his made, but it's a book that definitely made me ask myself tough questions about what I'd do if a similar situation arose with Barley). Sending lots of love and healing thoughts your way!

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind words, Beth and also the book recommendations! <3 There is a huge stigma attached to rehoming pets and I honestly get it because some people are really irresponsible, they just get pets and then dump them. I am so sad that Hurley had to go it sucked so bad and I miss him but I think it was definitely the best decision for him and our other pets.

      I'm glad that Barley and Soth get along! Life is so much better when no one is trying to eat anyone else!

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  6. Not everyone is brave enough or honest enough to admit their mistakes so publicly. 2015 was not so great for me either. Hopefully 2016 will be happier!

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    1. Thank you. I'm sorry you had a rough year, too! <3

      ~hugs~

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  7. No one is perfect. I also try not to write about things I don't feel well versed in. One of those things is training. But, I do like reading about it on other blogs. It is sad to hear about your cat, and I can only imagine how it must make you feel. Especially since there is so much internet shaming with that subject. Working at a vet clinic, it was so easy to be judgmental of pet owners but after a couple of years and hearing a speech from a vet I worked with really opened my eyes. I had some comments in the past about my cat, who I adopted from a family member. They had her for 10 years almost, but had 2 children under 2 with severely extreme allergies and needed to re-home her. Their allergies were not something to ignore. They are sometimes life threatening, and they were often in the hospital with breathing problems. I'm just glad I was able to take her in and help them out. Everyone's situation is different and many people can be quick to judge.

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    1. Thanks so much, Ann. There is definitely a lot of internet and irl shaming and a huge stigma attached to rehoming a pet. It was part of the reason why I avoided talking about it for a while because I needed some time to "move on" from losing him and I don't think I could of handled it if anyone was upset with me about it at the time he left.

      I definitely think that severe allergies in children is one good reason to find a pet a new home as awful as that is for everyone. I wouldn't risk a child's safety over it. It's awesome you were able to take on their kitty!

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  8. I've not found any of your posts condescending. Not ever.

    Thanks for sharing a huge part of yourself. That rocks.

    I enjoy reading about your babies. I know you work with them so they will behave properly and safety is always a good thing. Some folks let their dogs do whatever and it can be very annoying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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    1. Thanks so much, Sandee! I am so glad you like our posts!

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  9. Our first response is to wonder what the heck happened? We read the post you talked about and we were A-OK with it. But apparently someone did take issue so we are sorry for that cuz we totally understand the issue of being real. On our blog, our posts are in the voice of our dogs. Yet I hope that we are still being totally authentic with how we represent ourselves. Yes, we do have some exaggerations but they are typically for humor and to keep things fun. Anyway, bottom line is you have opened your heart for all to see. It just doesn't get more real than that.

    Keep Calm & Bark On!

    Murphy & Stanley

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    1. I love your blog and you boys crack me up with all your mischief. <3 Thanks for your kind words! <3

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  10. Oh Lauren!! Please do NOT beat yourself!! There isn't ANYONE, let me say it again, there isn't ANYONE out there (I don't care how they present themselves on their blogs) that hasn't made mistakes with their pets. My heart is breaking because you should NOT be beating yourself like this!
    I have never, ever viewed you as being condescending, I love your blog and have learned A LOT from you!
    OMG I am guilt-ridden EVERY DAY because my dog does not like to take walks, he lives in a condo/apt (as opposed to having a yard with space), he keeps me company while I work from home, he is LOVED but doesn't have the adventures that your dogs and so many others have. I beat myself every day that I feel I don't stimulate him enough! I also have jerked on the leash (when we first got Dakota and I didn't know better), but that was not the cause of his not liking walks. A Mother goose tried to attack him one day and another day a garbage truck scared him.
    I yell at my cat (and yes, I CURSE and say not-so-nice things), in regards to his obsession of chewing anything and everything in sight when he feels he doesn't get fed fast enough. His chewing causes his lip to swell and this week is one of the first times I didn't call the vet to put him on Pred due to his swollen lip, because I SAW what he does to cause it. Am I a bad kitty Mama? Maybe......sometimes I am!
    No parent of human children is perfect and NO "pet parent" is perfect!
    As for the blogging challenge, I didn't do it either....never have. One of my reasons is because I have TWO blogs and I don't feel like doing one each or choosing one over the other. The other reason? To be candid, for me, many of the posts (NOT ALL), were people just tooting their own horns and I am not one to do that. I know what my blogs are (the good, the bad and the incredibly UGLY)..........it is just a blogging challenge and it won't be on your tombstone that you participated (or not).
    As for the starting a second blog for the cats, from one who has two blogs (because I allowed myself to be talked into starting one for Dakota), think long and hard. I often wish I didn't have two blogs because it is DOUBLE the work. It's totally your call.
    You are always honest and "real" and that is why I visit your blog (and you take AMAZING photos). Sorry I rambled on, but I hate seeing you beat yourself this way.
    I wish more people had your guts to be REAL.........
    You did your best with Hurley...my first cat was a "one cat" type of a cat and would never have tolerated other pets entering his space. I am sure Hurley is much happier now.
    I will shut up now, but know that you are LOVED and I, for one, would be the LAST person to judge you when I have too much wrong with ME!
    xoxoxoxo
    DakotasDen

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    1. Thank you so much, Caren. I really appreciate that.

      Also, please don't feel guilty about not taking Dakota out! Some dogs are much happier with a smaller world and that is okay! He is loved and happy and that's all that matters. I've also yelled at my cats, too. When they were fighting and also because Lilly is a lot like your kitty. She chews absolutely everything that she can get her teeth on. Lilly is one of the reasons why I've gotten so good at management for cats and dogs. When she was a kitten she destroyed everything. We were so shocked. It was worse than any puppy. We actually even have wire covers over most of our electrical cords because of her.

      I don't think I'm going to start the second blog just yet but I do think I'm going to incorporate Lilly and Pandora more into this blog a little. They are a huge part of the family and I've felt really bad for leaving them out.

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  11. Lauren, I commend you for tackling the tough topics, and being so open. When I first got Matilda, I was still into that alpha stuff, the methods I learned about when I had my family dog from when I was 10 years old. Bloggers like you helped me find better ways, and I feel SO much better. As for the cat thing, cats are evil, and that's nobody's fault. You hadda do what you hadda do.

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    1. Thanks Lindsay! I was the same way when I first got Zoe. I had to learn very quickly that those methods don't work with her.

      I lol'd at the evil cat part. <3 You're not wrong.

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  12. I'm so sorry that you went through that.

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  13. I'm sorry you went through that :-( I think you made the right decision about Hurley - when things don't work out the way it should it's hard to persevere, but even when he doesn't live with you, he still has a place in your heart and I'm sure its the same the other way round. He's beautiful, may I add. I think you're really brave to have posted this post, as everyone makes mistakes but not everyone wants to admit them.

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  14. Whoever made a nasty comment can go step in a pile of poo. :-)
    We loved your "Alpha" post, I thought you tackled the subject beautifully. I also used to train using aversive methods, we were a big Caesar fan in the beginning. Then I started getting into some issues with dog training where his methods weren't helping and it opened me up to research and positive methods which have worked AMAZINGLY WELL!!
    As for Hurley, you did the right thing!! I could never imagine a "crate and rotate" lifestyle, how is that fair to anyone? Hurly wasn't happy, therefore - you rehoming him was in his best interest. It would have been a selfish decision on your part to keep him and allow him to continue to terrorize your other furfamily members. As a furry parent it's our responsibility to look out for everyone's best interests. I'm sure he's much happier in his new home. :-)
    I've never personally had to rehome an animal, but these extreme situations where all other resources are exhausted i'm totally in agreeance with. Please stop beating yourself up about it.
    We love your blog!

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    1. Thanks so much! Yeah, trying to keep cats separated is even harder than dogs, pretty much impossible when you live in a one bedroom, too. It was a very unhappy situation for all and I probably should of rehomed him a lot sooner than I did. I didn't realize exactly how unhappy everyone was until he had actually left and everything calmed down.

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  15. So sorry that you had to go through that. I had a pair of rats that I had to re-home because I was so allergic to them. I loved them dearly and also cried after handing them off to their new home, complete with loving 10 year old girl to spoil them. I felt like a terrible pet owner and a hypocrite. The thing was, I had female rats before and wasn't allergic to them, but apparently the boys produce something I was allergic to. I am sure my ratties had a much better life in their new home with someone who could actually hold and cuddle them. And I bet Hurley is happier as king of the house too! Lovely post. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks, Laura! That's really interesting that you were allergic to the male rats but not the females! I knew someone who was like that with guinea pigs. I totally relate to feeling like a hypocrite because I totally do. I know I did the right thing but I still feel bad about it. If that makes sense.

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  16. This is an amazing post, but I think you're being way too hard on yourself.

    I love reading everyone's thoughts on all things dogs. I may not initially agree with things people say or I may click over expecting to agree wholehardedly, but don't. Either way, I click away having learned something. What I love about the pet blogging community is that we're all approaching raising dogs from different perspectives - different backgrounds. And by sharing our ups and downs - or wins and losses - we teach others.

    I have never found your blog to be condescending; I've never felt fooled into thinking your dogs are perfect. Instead, I visit here daily (or when I see a new post) simply to see what is possible with dogs. When you share images, training, or just the fun you have with your dogs, it gives me promise.

    I have four amazing dogs and I think I'm a rockin' dog mom. But they're not perfect and it's blogs like this one that make me okay with the not so perfect days, because I know that tomorrow is a new day and not only can I learn, but my dogs can learn too.

    So hold that head up, keep sharing your thoughts on everything, and know that I'm here cheering you on, because I kind of need you :)

    Yep, it's all about me. ME ME ME.

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    1. Thank you! I really appreciate your insight and you're totally right. We are all different and I think that's what makes the pet blogging community great because everyone is so supportive. When I posted this, I was pretty sure everyone was going to hate me and all of the supportive comments have really meant a lot to me. More than I have words!

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  17. I can just imagine how difficult this was for you to write, Lauren. I sometimes think there is too much emphasis put on the term "forever home", when there are times that it just cannot work out. We got our beagle Kobi from family who had to admit that they just did not have time for him. Giving him up was so difficult for them, but it ended up being the best thing in the world for both him and for us too. Sometimes a home is just not right, and people should not be criticized, they should be praised, for being able to admit that. Giving up a pet has to be the hardest thing in the world, but sometimes it is the right and best thing to do.
    I enjoy your blog because of your wonderful photographs, but more it is a place I come to looking for good training advice. Sometimes I feel like I can't do as well as you do....but I don't ever think you are condescending when giving advice.
    I think we have all made mistakes. I have one story that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to tell, because I may never get over the guilt I feel for making a well meaning but wrong decision. Trust me, you are not alone.

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    1. Thanks so much, Jan! It was very hard to write and I was worried that everyone was going to be mad at me because of the emphasis on "forever home" and the stigma with rehoming. It was not an easy decision for us to make at all and I really miss him. I know it was the right decision, especially after seeing how well my other pets are doing with him not being here terrorizing them.

      I am so glad that you find my training advice helpful! I'm always nervous when I post training opinions because that's another place where people have a lot of disagreements and anger, especially with the great divide between methods. If you ever need any help or have any questions please feel free to email me or send me a PM on facebook. :)

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  18. Whoever said something negative can F*** off. People will say things online that they'd never in a million years have the balls to say in real life. It's pretty pathetic, actually. The beauty of blogging is you can just delete the assholes. ;)

    I've never once thought of you as condescending, or holier than thou. Not once. I've never even gotten the slightest feel of that. You haven't been shy about sharing issues the girls have, and working through them. You keep it real, cheesy as it sounds.

    You know I've been through rehomes. I wouldn't hesitate to rehome again if the situation called for it. I would much, *much* rather rehome and be sad, than let the situation continue and wind up with a seriously injured or dead dog (or cat, if I had one), or living a constant life of crating and rotating. That situation just isn't fair, to the animals or to the people.
    I think rehoming is an incredibly responsible thing to do. You've kept everyone safe and less stressed by doing it. You're prevented physical and mental trauma to everyone in the household by placing him somewhere else. That's a gift to all involved.

    Hold you head up, and don't let haters get you down. I will always be here for you! I'm just a FB PM away if you ever way to talk.

    (((hugs))))

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    1. Thanks, Amanda! I really appreciate that! It was definitely the right thing to do, even though it was a hard thing. I miss him a lot but none of the other pets do and everyone is so much calmer. No one is screaming and no one is aggravated. It's amazing how different they all are.

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  19. I couldn't imagine how stressful it would be to have to do the crate & rotate thing, and I couldn't even possibly imagine how hard it is to come to the decision to re-home a pet - even when you know in your brain it's the right decision. Thank you so much for sharing that, and as far as seeing those memes about forever pets & such I get it - I'm very sensitive to a lot of issues that aren't always just black & white. In some situations re-homing is in the best interest of both the animals & humans involved, even though it feels horrible. So sorry you had to go through that.

    I want you to know I love what you do here, and your opinionated posts are something I look forward to every single time :)

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    1. Thanks Jen! I'm glad you look forward to my posts! The opinionated training ones are some of the scariest ones that I post. I'm always editing them up to the last minute I post them because I always worry that I'm going to offend someone, especially with the great divide between training styles.

      Crating (we didn't actually use a crate but a room)and Rotating our cats was nearly impossible. Someone was always slipping out from where they were supposed to be or screaming at the door, completely unhappy with being locked up. I think it would probably be easier to do it with dogs but even then I still don't ever want to live that lifestyle. Rehoming Hurley was very hard and I am still so sad about it. I think about him every day. I knew it was the right thing to do after seeing how calm the other pets were after he left, though. I feel really bad that we had to do it, even though it was for the best.

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  20. I just want to echo what other people are saying. I'm having a migraine so I'm not able to be eloquent. I like how you stand up for positive training, and have the guts to point out that the alpha myth has been debunked.

    I actually didn't even know that there was an elephant in the room but I would never question the motives of an obviously responsible and loving pet owner like you. I'm sure that rehoming your kitty broke your heart, and I'm also sure that you did it for all the right reasons.

    I think that keeping it real is a big key to happily blogging so I'm really glad that you have put this out there - so now you can go on, hopefully blogging more happily.

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    1. Thank you, KB and I'm sorry about your migraine! I hope you're feeling better today.

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  21. Oh Lauren, please don't feel this way. You do so much good for both animals and people, and personally I've learned so much from you since I've been reading your blog. I loved your "Alpha" post, and have never felt that the tone of your writing was anything other than honest, sincere, and helpful. The haters out there will always look for something to misinterpret, so please don't internalize their idiocy!

    And regarding Hurley, it was far braver and more compassionate of you to make sure he was in the best possible environment for him than it would have been to keep him in a situation where he was not well-adjusted and happy. Just know that you have nothing to feel guilty about - your sacrifice enabled him to now be in a situation where he can succeed, and your other kids are safe! I can't think of a more caring act than that.

    Please keep doing what you're doing, and know that there are many other people like me who look forward to learning and growing right along with you. :-)

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    1. Thanks so much, Camille! I really appreciate your support and I'm glad you liked the Alpha post! :) You are totally right about Hurley and I agree with you. I'm still sad we had to do it but I really do think it was for the best.

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  22. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! My person is NOT perfect... But, I have to admit, neither am I. But if we all do the best we can at any given time, that's perfect in its own way, don't you think?

    That is a very beautiful photo of Hurley! We are very glad he found a home where he is happy, and we are glad that everyone in your house is happy too! It's not about abandoning, it's about finding the best possible living conditions for everyone! Right? Right.

    Many licks and wags,
    Ojo

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  23. Lauren, I just went back to read the post that you were referring to and cannot imagine why anyone would have a problem with it. I love reading about how you train your dogs and how successful and creative that you are...mostly because I have a very strong-willed Basset Hound. He prefers to think of himself as a deep thinker but he is pretty hard-headed. LOL! Luckily, I adore him beyond belief so it is okay. As far a rehoming your cat, while I know it is painful, it was something needed so that Hurley and the rest of your family could have a happy life. It is not easy to live with an animal that can react without provocation. I hope that you can forgive yourself, because I am quite sure that Hurley has forgiven you and is loving being an only cat. I wish that your 2016 is a wonderful year. Please quit being so hard on yourself. I think you are an amazing person and pet trainer. Okay, I am off my "mother's advice" pedestal. Hahaha!

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    1. Thanks so much, Melissa and I do appreciate your "mom's advice". I don't have a mom so any time I can get some mom advice it's a good thing. :) ~hugs~

      It was definitely hard living with Hurley. I don't miss dealing with his aggression issues. I miss the little dumb things about him. Like he had the loudest purr of any cat I've ever known and his weird little squeaky meow thing that he'd do when he was hungry. Rehoming him was very hard but it was completely validated a few days after he left and how calm and quiet the other pets were. I know it was the right thing to do, even if it did really suck.

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  24. NOBODY is PERFECT! They might think they are but everyone makes mistakes. My daughter in law had a little dog but was meaner than crap, we had her for awhile but she attacked our dogs, then went to her parents that did not have animals but when the grandchildren came to visit she was biting and nipping at them. They found an elderly person that just lost her dog. She wanted to try and it was a perfect match because she was always petting and holding the dog on her lap. I guess the dog needed a lot of one on one loving. I love your blogs. I just found your blog about 6 months ago.
    I wish you the very best year for 2016 and hopefully family drama is much better. You will never forget Hurley but you did the right thing for him. Hurley just needed to be an only fur child.
    There are alt of people out there that are negative people and they will never be happy.

    Here is a great saying...I will no longer allow the NEGATIVE things in my life to SPOIL all the GOOD things I have. I choose to be HAPPY!

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    1. I'm really glad that your DIL's dog found a loving home. Sometimes certain situations are just not right for an animal and I'm glad they loved her enough to find a solution that worked for everybody. Being bitten is no fun.

      Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words!

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  25. Thank you for being so brave to share your struggles. There are good reasons for the "forever home" philosophy. But they aren't directed at people who want the best for the animals in their care. And it's obvious you wanted the best for Hurley and all your animals.

    I hope you can find peace with everything that happened and continue to be honest and open and helpful as you've always been.

    On the other side, the first dogs I adopted were littermates who never got along. They continually fought with each other and even shed blood. They were not happy. But I allowed myself to get sucked into the "forever home" philosophy at all costs instead of making a hard decision that would have been better for both of them.

    I regret it to this day.

    I wrote about it here: http://www.somethingwagging.com/a-forever-home-the-dogma-that-isnt-always-good-for-dogs/

    So keep speaking the truth. Keep loving animals.

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    1. Thanks so much and I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. I read the post and it was comforting. There is definitely a stigma attached to rehoming and I completely understand why. I was actually sort of afraid that everyone would hate me after the read this post. The amount of support I've gotten from everyone has meant so much to me. Rehoming Hurley was so hard and it was definitely not what I ever wanted but I think it was the best thing for him.

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