Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Dog Owners: Stop Making Other Dog Owners Feel Guilty!


Dear Owners of Goofy, Happy-Go-Lucky, Friends with EVERYONE dogs,

Please stop making other dog owners feel guilty because their dog can't be friends with your dog. It is so hurtful when people make passive aggressive comments. As humans, we love companionship and crave a sense of belonging so I completely understand when we project those feelings onto our dogs. We all just want our dogs to have other dog friends. To watch them playing gleefully at the park with their friends is a dream that I totally share with everyone else and I get it. As humans, we don't like everyone we meet and our dogs are the same way. Some dogs will never want other dog friends and this needs to be a thing that we are okay with.

There are dogs in this world who are afraid, if not terrified of other dogs. There are dogs who just want to stroll along with their owner and their owner is good enough. These dogs are not sad dogs. These dogs are awesome, happy dogs and being with their people is fulfilling enough. There are other dogs, like Zoe, who used to love other dogs but are getting older and maybe experiencing pain and they don't need or want new dog friends. They just want to go around and sniff all the sniffs and be with their people. To enjoy their remaining years in peace. They don't need other young, playful dogs jumping all over them because they hurt and they might react grumpily. 

It is a gift that we tell you our dogs are not friendly. A GIFT.


We are trying to spare your dogs from an unpleasant experience. When you push us and bully us into letting our dogs interact with your dogs, bad things can and will happen. We are only trying to protect all the dogs, yours and ours. Every time our dogs have a bad experience it can take weeks, months if not years of work to help them feel better again.

Dog Owners, I beg of you:

Please stop with the condescending comments about how my dog must be a bad dog if she doesn't want to be friends with your dog.

Please stop with the guilt-ridden, passive aggressive comments and apologies to your own dog for not getting to play with my dog.

Always ask before you allow your dog to interact with someone's dog. If they say no, please be okay with it.

Stop letting your dog drag you into every other dog's face that you pass on the streets, parks, trails, etc.

Stop letting your off leash dog run up to other dogs.

Please don't blame us when our dogs snap at your dog when you disregard our pleas for you and your dog to stay away. 

Please be kind and considerate because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.


Every time I have to apologize and tell someone that my dog is not dog friendly, I die a little inside. It's the truth. I love my dog so much and I would love nothing more than to take away her fear of other dogs and see her playing happily in the park with other dogs. That's my dream for her but it's not HER dream.

Phoenix just wants good food, fun toys and to be with me and Zoe. I am so lucky that both of my dogs get along so well in the home. Other people are not as fortunate with their dogs and I need to spend more time celebrating all the good things.

Phoenix is a very happy dog. She loves her life with me, she loves Zoe. She is a very fulfilled dog. She gets the best food, treats and toys money can buy. She gets to play all the games I can come up with. She gets to run free whenever I can find quiet trails for her to do so. She doesn't want new dog friends. She prefers playing with Zoe, me and her other human friends. Not liking other dogs doesn't make her a bad dog. She's fun, she's funny and she's perfect in almost every way. She has a smaller bubble than some reactive dogs and she's able to go and do stuff with me that a lot of reactive dogs can't.

I honestly wish that people in the dog community would just understand that not every dog wants to be friends with your dog and that it's okay. It really does need to be okay. I wish that the owners of goofy, happy-go-lucky, friends with everyone dogs would be kind to those of us who's dogs are not in the mood to meet their dogs. Our dogs are just dogs. They are not much different than the other dogs but they just want to be with us.

A wise friend told me: "Your dogs are for you, they get along, they are not for other people. They are not toys for other people's dogs." She was not wrong.


Have you ever experienced a situation where a pushy dog owner was insisting their dog interact with yours? How did you handle it?


30 comments:

  1. #Finndawg is a lot like Zoe.... but I wouldn't say he's unfriendly! I've never experienced the feelings you have, or I haven't given an encounter this much thought. I'm so glad Zoe has Phoenix and they are so content with each other, and you.
    Annette @PetsAreFound

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  2. Charlie's Mum here, Lauren! I completely understand where you're coming from on this one. My Charlie is one of those friendly go up to everyone dogs and I have spent considerable time training him not to approach other dogs unless I say it's ok to do so. It was made a lot harder for me than it should have been by people allowing their dogs to approach Charlie when it was obvious that I was trying to stop him from going up to their dogs. 'They just want to play' is what is usually said. Well I don't want Charlie to play with them. He has had two bad encounters with other dogs and I don't want that happening again. I need to have him under control. Some people just have no idea. It would be worse for you with shy dogs.

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    1. I completely understand what you mean! It's very frustrating when you don't feel like having an interaction and someone pushes you into it. It can only take a few bad incidents to turn a happy dog into a dog who is fearful of other dogs so it's definitely important to be careful with interactions! I'm sorry Charlie has had a couple of bad experiences!

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  3. Great post! Some people may never get it, but your dogs are lucky because you do. Each dog is an individual and special because of it.

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  4. This post broke my heart. You're so right. But I don't think anything you say will convince those jerks you meet out there.

    They don't really understand dogs at all.

    What most people never realize is that even dogs who don't react to other dogs usually prefer human company to dog company much of the time. Really!

    That's why most dogs with a halfway decent bond with their human will follow out of the dog park instead of insisting on staying with the other dogs. It's thousands of years of evolution at work.

    And not every dog wants to play with every other dog. Just like not every human likes every human equally.

    And some dogs, like Zoe and Phoenix, form a really special, playful bond with each other.

    I trained and prepared to ensure Honey was friendly to a wide variety of people and other dogs so we could foster dogs together. But as I watch her, I see that she doesn't like every dog equally. And some dogs don't like her.

    Anyone who tries to make you feel bad because your dog doesn't want to frolic with hers is just ignorant. And they need to spend more time paying attention to and learning from their dog instead of worrying about yours.

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    1. That's awesome that Honey can be friendly with a wide range of dogs! I wish I had gotten Phoenix as a puppy so that she could of been socialized properly. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this tough subject! I definitely agree that it's hard to change some people who are set in their ways but I am hoping that my post might change the way people think about things and maybe see past what their dog wants.

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  5. Some dogs aren't very social. Ours was and that was fine. She loved everyone and thought everyone loved her too. Not all dogs are that way. I so get what you're saying.

    Have a terrific day. Scritches to the girls. ☺

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  6. There is a time that I can really remember, I took Seppel to the park to go swimming. We were crossing a bridge and a woman immediately let her dog drag her to Seppel. I of course body blocked and pulled him out of the way. I remember the woman telling me that her dog was friendly, and I said "My dog doesn't like other dogs." She kind of gave me this weird look as I drug my dog away from the whole situation. It made me feel bad initially, like I shouldn't be there because my dog isn't friendly. However, I thought about it and reminded myself, I have every right to be there too! My dog is on leash, he's under my control. All we want to do is have a good time at the park without being bombarded by strange dogs. I have a right to go to these places and not be bothered, especially because generally where I go it is on leash. That's when I really looked at the situation and realized, the problem isn't me or my dog, the problem is other people who think it is okay to shove their dogs into my space.

    Generally speaking, especially with Seppel I have to body block and move away. I've had a few instances of people just not paying attention at the pet store. One woman actually apologized because she wasn't paying attention and her puppy was coming up to Seppel and I had to drag him away because he was growling. I was kind of blown away that she apologized! But yeah, anyway, I have to be really conscious about my surroundings when I have him out and about and try to avoid bad social situations. I don't have to be nearly as cautious with Seth, but I still advocate for him because I wouldn't want him to get attacked by a strange dog either - you just never know.

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    1. I can totally relate to how you felt when you were at the park. I have seen it happen so many time where people think because their dogs are friendly they can do whatever they want and that they own the place and if you don't like it, too bad. It's frustrating. Or that reactive dogs don't have any place being out and about. I've had several people make me feel bad for taking my dog out, too.

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  7. Honestly, it isn't much different than with humans. Some humans want to be out and meet as many people as they can and hang out. Others prefer to keep more to themselves and only have a few close friends. Some humans are touchy feely, some don't like human contact at all. Just because a being is a dog doesn't mean they want to play with every dog and be with dogs all the time.

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  8. Beautiful, and I so wish more people understood this. Not all of us are outgoing, gregarious, social butterflies.. and the same goes for out dogs. Every dog is different, many aren't just happy go lucky, and that in no way makes them bad. It is so frustrating how many times I have to explain to people that my dog doesn't like small dogs, and yet they refuse to believe it because their dog is so friendly...I really just wish people would respect us, and our dogs, for who we are and what we clearly tell them we are, rather than making assumptions.

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    1. Thank you, Jen! I'm glad you liked it. It can be very frustrating when people refuse to listen or when they can't see past what their dog wants to do. I am really hoping my post can bring awareness to this sensitive subject and maybe the people who read it will think twice before they force interactions on people.

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  9. Great post Lauren! I completely agree. McKenzie Rae (so far) is not a dog's dog. We're still working on aggression and dominance issues, so we really don't know if she'll end up getting along with dogs. Khloee is a middle ground. She does like to play with some dogs, but a lot of the time she's more comfortable with Matt and I. Wynston is also a middle ground. Sometimes he'll welcome other dogs into his space, but I really think he's more content just being with his mom ;) There are times when I wish I had a super dog-friendly dog, but I understand that's just not the case. Although I do admit that I am fine with Wynston just loving me LOL!

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  10. I couldn't agree with you more! Dakota is one of those dogs. He is not a huge fan of other dogs. I am soooo tired of people looking at him as if there is something wrong with him because of that!! THANK YOU!!! DakotasDen

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    1. Thank you, Caren! I also really appreciate the share! :D I totally feel for you with those looks from strangers. I've gotten enough of them that it does hurt my feelings every single time.

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  11. What a fantastic post! Imagine people's faces when i tell them one of my goldens is not dog friendly. "But he's a Golden Retriever", they always say. And I always tell them, he's actually a dog first then a golden. I just had a horrible encounter with a guy and his off-leash dog who was "oh so friendly" and couldn't understand why I was so frustrated with him. Thanks for this post, it made my day! :)

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    1. Thank you! You would be surprised at how many goldens I have met who weren't friendly! I even know of one who sent my co-worker to the hospital with a severe bite to her hand. It's still amazing to me that people think all dogs of a certain breed are all friendly or all dogs from a certain breed are bad. Dogs are all individuals and you are so right. Dogs are dogs first then their breed.

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  12. People have strong emotions over anything to do with their dogs. Before dogs meet the owners should meet and sniff each other out!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  13. I absolutely LOVE IT when someone mumbles about my aggressive dogs or my lack of dog training skills. My absolute favorite is "if you can't handle them, then you shouldn't have gotten them." All because I don't want my dogs to greet on leash.

    When I'm walking two dogs (or when I'm feeling brave, all 4) I'm in no position to add more dogs to the mix. I'm usually walking with my friend and she has two dogs too so when people see me, they're encountering 4-6 dogs.

    So now, when people are nasty, I just say "You are so friendly, I bet you have a lot of friends." I can be nasty too.

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  14. Great post, Lauren!

    I guess this is one place where my bluntness is actually useful: I have no problem telling people that their dog is not going to great mine, and I don't give a shit what they say back. If they make a fuss, I just scoop the dog up and go.

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  15. Barley and I have had very few encounters with people who don't listen when I say, "She's not good with other dogs." And the few people who have tried to let their dogs greet Barley after the warning have gotten the message very clearly from Barley when she's snapped at their dogs. Our only real problems have been with loose dogs in our old neighborhood and there were no owners around to keep the dogs from getting to Barley or to hear me say that she's not friendly.

    When we see dogs on-leash, I always take steps to make sure they get the message long before we ever get close to each other--as soon as I see another dog coming our way, I make sure to switch Barley to the other side of me so there's more space between her and other dogs and I move us a few feet off the trail (or cross the road if necessary). I don't even make eye contact with the other dog owner and I just continue to make eye contact with Barley and praise/reward her. Usually, I hear comments the other dog owners make to their dogs like "see how good that dog is being"--maybe the people make weird faces or look at Barely like she's a "bad dog," but I wouldn't know because I literally do not look at people with other dogs as we cross paths because my focus is 100% on keeping Barley focused on me. I'm sorry your experience has been more negative. That definitely makes it less fun to be out adventuring.

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  16. I've had a post similar to this rolling around in my mind for quite a while, but never got the nerve to actually write it, so thank you for saying a lot of what I think and feel, Lauren.
    I've been a shy and quiet person my whole life, and many people don't understand that either - so on that level, it doesn't surprise me that they don't understand shy dogs either.
    We've been pretty lucky that we haven't had to deal with too many people like that, but that's mostly because I don't take my dogs to populated places (I know you don't have that luxury where you live). When we went through our move though, we had to deal with a lot of different people who helped us, and I was pleased to find that most people were very understanding about Luke's reluctance to meet strangers.
    Cricket can by shy too so I don't usually let other dogs approach her. I'll never forget the time a woman just looked at me like we had the plague when I tried to explain...and consoled her dog like he/she was so devastated that they couldn't meet her. So, I do know how it feels, which is part of the reason I do practice avoidance a lot of the time. Great post!!

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  17. I really wish the default expectation was to NOT greet. It's a pipe dream, but it would be so much better for everyone for so many reasons.

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  18. (My new line when people ask about meeting my dogs is, "Not today!" Seems to make them feel less rejected and short-circuits my urge to explain.)

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  19. Your friend's quote is so true.

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  20. I think my phone timed out my entire comment. Basically, I was saying it's important to respect others, their space and their pets. People should never be so pushy.

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  21. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! I have never understood this. Do all people want to meet all other people? My person sure doesn't! Do all people want hugs from strangers, or want to be best friends right away? My person sure doesn't! And neither do I!

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